True Patriot Love

Canada's general election is a week away (May 2, 2011). As of this post, revolution is in the air...joining our embarrassingly high per capita C02 emissions. But before I address any of that, it's important to know how we got here.

I previously introduced you to the opposition leader, Michael Ignatieff. Today I'll introduce you to our incumbent prime minister, Stephen Harper (Conservative Party of Canada):

Stephen Harper is a leader who can be trusted to run the country, manage the economy and protect our security in the greater public interest at a time of global uncertainty. Uniting our federation – and keeping his commitments – he is delivering on a people-focused agenda.

Source: Conservative Party of Canada

If anything, he's a remarkably honest man. Here he is, issuing a warning to Canadians who might vote for his party:

Stephen Harper warned “a party that does not have the interests of this country at heart, will be looking to exploit any incoherence or instability for its own purposes.”

Source: Globe & Mail (2011)

Such a disclaimer should not come as a surprise. I don't understand why all the opposition parties keep harping on about Harper's "hidden agenda". The guy has publicly written about his desire to "not have the interests of this country at heart":

During and since the recent federal election, we have been among a large number of Albertans discussing the future of our province. We propose our province move forward on the following fronts:

1. Withdraw from the Canada Pension Plan
2. Collect our own revenue from personal income tax
3. Start preparing to let the contract with the RCMP run out in 2012 and create an Alberta provincial police force
4. Resume provincial responsibility for health care policy. We can afford the financial penalties Ottawa might try to impose under the Canada Health Act.

As economic slowdown, and perhaps even recession, threatens North America...It is imperative to take the initiative, to build firewalls around Alberta.

Once Alberta's position is secured, only our imagination will limit the prospects for extending the reform agenda. To cite only a few examples, lower taxes will unleash the energies of the private sector; easing conditions for charter schools will help individual freedom...

Sincerely yours,

Stephen Harper, President, National Citizens' Coalition

Source: National Post (2001)

International readers are probably wondering why Canadians put this fugitive from the Branch Davidians in charge of our federal government. After all, Americans would only trust him to lead Texas...not the entire country.

In our defense, over 60% of us voted against him. Hell, even his own compound thinks he's kind of nutters.

A clear majority of Albertans reject the hard-edged "Alberta First" provincialism being promoted by prominent conservatives in the province, a new Globe and Mail/CTV poll suggests.

The survey of 750 Albertans, conducted last week, showed a large majority of Albertans support national programs such as the Canada Pension Plan and the Canada Health Act.

The Ipsos-Reid poll tested public support for a manifesto published recently by six prominent Alberta intellectuals, who urged the provincial government to build a "firewall" around the province by withdrawing from national programs.

Stephen Harper, a key proponent of the provincialist strategy, said yesterday that he is not disheartened that his views have apparently not been embraced by the majority of Albertans.

"I think there is a lot of flux to these ideas -- they are really just beginning to take hold," Mr. Harper said.

Source: Globe & Mail (2001)

Naturally, our british electoral system rewards such popular support.

So why do less than 40% of Canadians support this man? Some people hate taxes like the Abrahamic religions hate babies with foreskin. It doesn't have to make sense. They're dirty & someone needs to cut them without pity.

Liberez Nous Des Liberaux

Canada's general election is only a few weeks away (May 2, 2011). Given our natural resources & strategic location...you're probably wondering what emerges when an oil-rich heiress straddles the worlds greasiest gigolo.

But first, an important message from Canada's intelligence agency (CSIS):

Richard Fadden, the director of the Canadian Security Intelligence Service, told CBC News in an exclusive interview: "We're in fact a bit worried. We have an indication that there's some political figures who have developed quite an attachment to foreign countries."

Source: CBC

Yeah yeah, whatever.

Today, we meet the leader of the honourable opposition (Liberal Party of Canada), Michael Ignatieff:

He has been a writer, a journalist, a teacher of human rights, and a proud voice for Canada on the world stage.

He is a leader who listens. Since he was elected to Parliament, Michael has travelled to every province and territory, sharing his vision with Canadians in communities large and small.

Source: Liberal Party of Canada

If you haven't heard of him, don't worry - neither have we. Nobody saw him for 30 years, then he just showed up one day. The news told us an international superstar had arrived to lead us into globalization. I don't know...Global TV said the same thing about Kevin Newman & Dawna Friesen.

In the 30 years that writer Michael Ignatieff has lived abroad, he has sometimes heard the opinion that what happens in Canada is neither interesting nor instructive to others. "This view of my native land is painful to me," Ignatieff writes.

So why does he stay away? "It's not easy to justify even to myself," Ignatieff says.

He wanted, he says, to get his name up on "the Big Board"- publications like the New York Review Of Books and the New Yorker, to which Americans pay attention. Now that he's accomplished that, he hints that he may be ready to return.

Source: Toronto Star (2000)

There have been Conservative attack-ads claiming Michael Ignatieff "didn't come home for you" (ie. the Canadian people). If you've ever seen HBO's polygamist drama 'Big Love', you'll know that it's not easy looking after four homes.

Ignatieff says his journey "home" to the Ukraine was emotional and he hopes it shows onscreen.

Source: Toronto Star (1994)

Ignatieff sympathizes with Ukrainian linguistic and cultural aspirations, but admits "I'm also what Canadians would call a Great Russian, and there is just a trace of old Russian disdain for these 'little Russians'."

This phrase -- a well-meaning, but condescending one -- would drive most Ukrainians crazy.

Source: Ottawa Citizen (1993)

For those who deny that there is an American ideology, Michael Ignatieff has a crisp rebuttal: "Yes, we do have an ideology and, like all ideologies, it doesn't believe it is one. It just believes that it is The Truth."

It is hard not to agree with Michael Ignatieff when he says: "There is nothing more frightening than American innocence. It's a fearsome, sometimes murderous innocence. Our inability to question our own motives is truly alarming."

Source: Vancouver Sun (2003)

Maybe I shouldn't judge. After all, we're a worldly peoples. We humour third generation Canadians who add prefixes to their nationalities. We encourage trips to Paris, so the Quebecois can hear what French really sounds like. We even tolerate Albertans & their various cow-related fetishes.

It's not like Michael Ignatieff's slagged off Canadians & pledged loyalty to a foreign nation.

[Michael Ignatieff writing in the Toronto Star]

There remains in the Canadian psyche what Freud called "the narcissism of minor difference" - a stubborn insistence on the small but vital inflections that make us different from the waning imperial culture to the south.

If Canadians want a quiet life, they may have to give up on Canada altogether.

Source: Toronto Star

[Michael Ignatieff writing in the National Post]

"Don't attack me, I'm a Canadian," is a very, very strong reflex in our country and always has been. And to be blunt, it is naive narcissism.

In Washington, I live my working life in a policy environment in which Canada is a kind of well-meaning Boy Scout. We have aligned our foreign policy with that multilateral vision of the world and our neighbours to the south don't like it one little bit.

Source: National Post

Michael Ignatieff, who teaches at Harvard, concedes American misadventures...but he is most influenced by stirring words he repeats here:

"First a wartime president, then a battlefield rabbi, then a black pastor -- all reach into the same treasure house of language, at once sacred and profane, to renew the faith of the only country on earth that believes in itself in this way, the only country whose citizenship is an act of faith, the only country whose promises to itself continue to command the faith of people like me, who are not its citizens."

Source: Chicago Tribune

Let's go to Mexico!

Freeze! You're surrounded!

Tired of being associated with rogues like these:

Source: New York Daily News

Of the 30 industrialized countries in the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, only Mexico, Turkey and the United States fail to achieve universal coverage.

Embarrassed by being singled out in lineups like these:

Source: National Geographic & What If Post

Countries with universal health care are represented by a blue line, those without universal coverage have a red line. The United States and Mexico are the only countries with red lines.

The graph compares the health care systems of developed countries in terms of cost per person, life expectancy, and number of doctors visits.

Click to enlarge

Mexico has decided to reform:

Source: Harvard Science

Seguro Popular, a Mexican health care program instituted in 2003, has already reduced crippling health care costs among poorer households, according to an evaluation conducted by researchers at Harvard University in collaboration with researchers in Mexico.

Among participating households, those suffering catastrophic health expenses were reduced by almost 60 percent, contributing to a 30 percent reduction in catastrophic health expenses across treatment communities.

Reinforcing their side of the border:

Source: Xinhua

Universal health care in Mexico is expected to be achieved next year, Health Minister Jose Angel Cordova said Friday.

The Northern state of Coahuila will be Mexico's first state covered with universal health care next week, and five more states with a population of 32.75 million or more will be under the same system in four months, Cordova told Xinhua in an exclusive interview.

The five states, which will be covered by universal health care, are Sonora, Chihuahua, Tamaulipas, Guanajuato as well as Mexico state, the most populous state with more than 15 million people.

Monopoly man! You are surrounded by socialized medicine!
Release your hostages & come out with your hands up!

UPDATE! Mexican authorities are reporting a spike in border activity. The illegal migrants claim they are fleeing a devastated homeland & only seek coverage:

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See y'all next week!

In two hours, I'll be headed out west to Canada's newest hub of radical islamic terrorism. We'll see how progressive & tolerant they are when I walk around in a leafs jersey. It's a short trip, and I'll be back on Sunday night - killing the illuminati by Monday.

I leave behind a mom who thinks Calgary is one giant cow farm, friends who suggest driving back because the airport screens for BC bud, and a serb girlfriend who's threatened to cut me up like a kosovar - should I try anything (minus her views on the balkans, she's actually a very sweet person).

Won't lie, trips like these make my dick scream "freedom!". Luckily, my heart has faster access to my brain. Within an hour away from home, the violin starts looping in my head:

Album: Old Crow Medicine Show - O.C.M.S.

Song: Wagon Wheel

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QUOTED FOR LIFE

Walkin' to the south out of Roanoke
I caught a trucker out of Philly, had a nice long toke
But he's a' headed west from the Cumberland Gap...
To Johnson City, Tennessee
And I gotta get a move on, before the sun
I hear my baby callin' my name & I know that she's the only one
And if I die in Raleigh - at least I will die free!

So rock me mama like a wagon wheel, rock me mama anyway you feel
Hey mama rock me...
Rock me mama like the wind and the rain
Rock me mama like a south-bound train
Hey mama rock me...

The issues facing tanned Canadians in a snow white election...

One of these beauties is the lovely black Liberal MP Hedy Fry. The other seven have penis.

Are there any black conservatives in Canada?

Sure, her:

As a conservative party staffer, her duties include showing major cleavage, serving drinks, and mocking one of Canada's few black members of parliament...really just doing anything to please her blonde-haired-blue-eyed bosses:

MP Candice Hoeppner (right) with her staffer dressed as Liberal MP Hedy Fry

If that's what the conservative party does to a black chick who's into them...what're they gonna do to the rest of us? Ask my girl, these fingers were made for fucking, not handling fine crystal.

The time has come for strategic voting. No more voting for third parties, no matter how charismatic their leaders are. I voted for Joe Pantalone in the Toronto election, and we ended up with that fat farm fugitive Rob Ford. If I vote for the Bloc Québécois again, we'll end up with a conservative majority in parliament. Damn it! I really like Gilles Duceppe...

Where was I today?

Why Toronto females be dressing like the Taliban.

Since Indiana Jones asked:

Source: Inca Kola News

Where were you yesterday? I was here:

I was on the bus, zooming in on home:

When I got off, I didn't walk. I ran through sleepy hollow, desperately trying to avoid the fucking headless horseman:

Before stepping into my building, I stopped to write a special message:

Can't wait till Dora the explorer gets her hunting license.

They heard me singing & they told me to stop...

Canadians celebrate Arcade Fire's Grammy win.

It was always a question of when, not if, they'd win big. The Arcade Fire took album of the year, defeating peroxide abusers Lady Gaga & Eminem.

These guys have consistently combined great sound & thoughtful lyrics. As expected, someone who recognizes neither spent $40,000 to undermine their victory:

Source: New York Times

What truly inspired the writing of this letter was that this most recent show fed my suspicions. As the show was coming to a close and just prior to presenting the award for Album Of The Year, the band Arcade Fire performed “Month of May” — only to… surprise… win the category and, in a moment of sheer coincidence, happened to be prepared to perform “Ready to Start.”

Steve Stoute introduces himself as "the owner of a firm that specializes in in-culture advertising". Basically, he introduces prominent clients (ie. McDonald's) to eager sex workers (ie. Justin Timberlake). I'm pretty sure he created that infomercial 'Modern Family'.

Someone needs to punch Stoute repeatedly, and beat him with a telephone and champagne bottle. Oh wait...Puffy already did hahahaha!

Now enough talk about second-degree assault. Here's a beautiful song:

Album: Arcade Fire - The Suburbs

Song: Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)

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