See y'all next week!

In two hours, I'll be headed out west to Canada's newest hub of radical islamic terrorism. We'll see how progressive & tolerant they are when I walk around in a leafs jersey. It's a short trip, and I'll be back on Sunday night - killing the illuminati by Monday.

I leave behind a mom who thinks Calgary is one giant cow farm, friends who suggest driving back because the airport screens for BC bud, and a serb girlfriend who's threatened to cut me up like a kosovar - should I try anything (minus her views on the balkans, she's actually a very sweet person).

Won't lie, trips like these make my dick scream "freedom!". Luckily, my heart has faster access to my brain. Within an hour away from home, the violin starts looping in my head:

Album: Old Crow Medicine Show - O.C.M.S.

Song: Wagon Wheel

Alternate Video

QUOTED FOR LIFE

Walkin' to the south out of Roanoke
I caught a trucker out of Philly, had a nice long toke
But he's a' headed west from the Cumberland Gap...
To Johnson City, Tennessee
And I gotta get a move on, before the sun
I hear my baby callin' my name & I know that she's the only one
And if I die in Raleigh - at least I will die free!

So rock me mama like a wagon wheel, rock me mama anyway you feel
Hey mama rock me...
Rock me mama like the wind and the rain
Rock me mama like a south-bound train
Hey mama rock me...

I predicted this shit, it's 2pacalypse!

After being shot 5 times, Tupac offers a statement to the media.

In a previous post, I said:

Source: Bon Retou Prezidan Titide

...Aristide coming back to Haiti is like Tupac getting out of jail. There are scores to settle, records to set straight, & millions to uplift. The two presidential candidates, Martelly & Manigat - quiet like those church mice B.I.G. & Puff.

Many of you thought this was some kind of cheap rhetorical flourish...a sad attempt to appeal to young white males across the suburbs of America.

Well, you woke up today & realized you thought wrong:

Source: The Toronto Sun

Rapper Wyclef Jean has been shot in the hand in his native Haiti.

The former Fugees star, who lives in the U.S., travelled to the country earlier this week to lend his support to presidential candidate Michel Martelly as he prepares for the final round of elections against former First Lady Mirlande Manigat on Sunday.

Reports emerged shortly after midnight on Sunday suggesting Jean's car had come under attack and was peppered with bullets as he was being driven through the city of Port-au-Prince with hip-hop pal Busta Rhymes and record executive Jimmy Rosemond.

Yes, that's right. Wyclef, who Tupac kindly asked to fuck off, was shot. While he was in the company of Jimmy Rosemond (aka Jimmy Henchman), who allegedly ordered the New York shooting of Tupac.

Ben Bernanke showed up in my comments & said: "you're a funny cunt! Not to mention informative as well.". Like a typical chairman of the federal reserve, he ignores the fact that I'm also prophetic.

First post, time to make a good impression

Sooner or later, I'd have to stop sexually harassing the Inca Kola News comment box. So I took Otto Rock's advice and started my own blog.

Those of you who got here after misspelling "venereal warts itch" are probably scratching your heads. And you're also confused.

Basically, a blogger named Otto Rock would post something important & sincere...like Alvaro Uribe shouldn't teach at Georgetown. Then I'd show up & pitch the sequel to Pineapple Express.

If I had to describe the spirit, the essence of this blog...it would be thus:

What McGruder saw when he looked around at his approving audience was this: a lot of old, white faces. What followed was not quite a coronation.

McGruder told the guests that he’d called Condoleezza Rice a mass murderer to her face; what had they ever done? He recounted a lunch meeting with Fidel Castro. He said that noble failure was not acceptable. He said — bragged, even — that he’d voted for Nader in 2000.

At that point, according to Hamilton Fish, the host of the party, “it got interactive.”

Eric Alterman, a columnist for The Nation, was sitting in the back of the room. He shouted out, “Thanks for Bush!”

Exactly what happened next is unclear.

Alterman recalls that McGruder responded by grabbing his crotch and saying, “Try these nuts.”